Custody doesn’t have to be a battle. The truth is that most parents want a lot of time with their children and a schedule that works best for their children. However, most parents also work and can’t neglect their responsibilities to their employment if they want to stay employed. Are you struggling to balance your career and parenting responsibilities within a custody agreement? Here are some common scenarios and tips to find a balance with a practical custody agreement if you are a working parent or trying to co-parent with a parent who works.
Custody Solutions for the Working Parent: Balancing Career and Parenting Responsibilities
Working Parents and a Practical Parenting Plan
A practical parenting plan is essential for a parent’s work-life balance. Having a parenting plan that you realistically can’t meet the stated terms does not help you or the children. If you can’t truly meet the obligations and expectations in the parenting plan, you may be setting yourself up for frustrations with the other parent, disappointment by the children, and even a court action for not following through with the court-ordered parenting plan. If you are realistic about what your schedule allows, then you may avoid some of the commons pitfalls when developing a parenting plan when you also have to meet the obligations of your employment.
Scenario One: Assuming Flexibility and Forgetting that Things Have Changed
If you are a working parent, you may not have a lot of flexibility at times. There are times that work has to take the priority no matter how much you love your children. If you have a work deadline that must be met, then sometimes you need help with watching your children while your get what needs to be done completed.
One common pitfall for parenting plans is that the parent assumes the other parent will continue to have the same flexibility that they had while they were a couple. This is often a false assumption and often not supported by the Court.
An Example: I’m Late Because of Work
For example, the parenting plan states the parents are to exchange the children at 5 pm on Tuesdays. The parent picking up the children has a meeting that runs late and the parent doesn’t pick up the children from the other parent until 6 pm. It was very common for this meeting to run late on Tuesdays and the other parent knows that from their years of marriage. However, the parent is mad that the working parent was an hour late to pick up. The parent that was late thinks it is not their fault the meeting ran late and the other parent should know this. Who is in the right?
In this example, the Court would likely find that the parent who was late violated the terms of the parenting plan. In fact, the common grace period in Nebraska parenting plans is usually only 15 minutes. While there are parents that continue to have flexibility after separating, the Court will generally hold each party to the expectation that must be able to do exchanges on time if a parent doesn’t choose to be flexible. You may even start to accidentally forfeit your parenting time for the day due to not being on time for exchanges due to your work obligation. In this type of scenario, it is generally much better to set an exchange time in the parenting plan that you can actually consistently meet. Another option would be to set up the parenting plan and agreement so that a grandparent or other close family member will do the exchange for you if you are going to be running late.
You should develop the parenting plan so that times that you can’t meet your exchange times and obligations in the parenting plan are quite rare. While no one is expected to be perfect and there will likely be valid reasons for running late, these should be rare occurrences under a functional parenting plan.
Scenario Two: Inconsistent Work Schedule
Some lines of work tend to have an inconsistent work schedule. If there is some predictability to your work schedule, your parenting plan can account for this. For some examples:
Nurses and other careers that often work 3-12’s schedules.
If you are a nurse, you may be required to work three twelve-hour shifts per week (3-12’s). You may only know your specific schedule as to what days of the month that you will work a month or two in advance. In this situation, you parenting plan may be able to consider your work schedule so that you generally have the children on your days off. The parenting plan could include a formula to determine what are your days around your work schedule and a requirement to provide your work schedule to the other parent when each schedule comes out to figure these days out.
Mandatory overtime.
Some employers, including those in production or delivery, require mandatory overtime. For example, if you would like your parenting time to include every other weekend but have to work mandatory overtime on Saturdays with some frequency, then you may want your parenting plan to include what happens when this occurs. Will the other parent or another family member agree to watch the children while you are at work? Does the overtime tend to occur more often at the end of the month so that you tend to be more available the first weekends of the month? In such situation, maybe your parenting plan includes that you always have the first two weekends of the month instead of a schedule that just alternates every other weekend. Your parenting plan can be drafted in a way that minimizes the disruption caused to the schedule due to mandatory overtime.
Scenario Three: Working a Lot of Hours
Not everyone has a forty-hour work week. Many types of employment requirement more than just putting in a 9-5 shift five days per week. However, if your work is very demanding, you may have to be realistic about how that is going to affect your parenting time. If you are working 60-80 hours per week on a regular basis, it may not make sense for you to have a type of joint physical custody schedule with your children. Your parenting plan should still include your parenting time, but it may not be realistic for you to try to share 50/50 joint physical custody.
A Note on the Meaning of Sole Physical Custody.
If you work a lot of hours, it may not be realistic for you to have joint physical custody of your child. For example, it may be more realistic for you to have parenting time every other weekend and one evening per week. In this situation, we would say that the other parent has “sole” or also know as “primary physical custody” of the children.
Having “sole” custody of the children doesn’t mean that the other parent doesn’t have any set time with the children. This just means that the children primary live with one parent. Thinking that having “sole” custody means the other parent doesn’t have time with the children is a common misconception.
Being the “non-custodial” parent doesn’t mean the parent doesn’t spend time with their children and doesn’t mean the parent doesn’t have a strong relationship with the children. Maybe the working parent can commit to a dinner once per week with the children and then having the children from Saturday evening to Sunday evening every other weekend. Especially if the parent couple this with frequent phone calls, the children can still have a strong bond with their parent even though the parent works a lot of hours. This is often much better to do than to try to commit to a schedule that the parent can’t meet. You’ll just end up with children who wonder why the parent didn’t make them the priority to show up and a frustrated other parent who never knows if the parent will keep their commitment or what to tell the children if the parent misses again.
Joint Custody Can Be Possible with a Heavy Work Schedule
Keep in mind that if your work schedule has some flexibility, you may be able to share joint physical custody even if you work a lot of hours. For example, some parents are able to do a week on/week off parenting time schedule where they can schedule a light (or normal) work week on their week with the children and schedule their off work with the bulk of their appointments and deadlines so as to work extra hours when the children are with the other parent.
Scenario Four: Travel for Work
Similar to the parent that works a lot of hours, if your employment requires a lot of travel for work, you may not be available enough to share a joint physical custody schedule. On the other hand, if your employment requires some travel but you know your schedule ahead of time, you may be able to include in the parenting plan terms that takes your work’s travel schedule into account. For example, it could include a requirement to provide your travel schedule to the other parent as soon as you receive it and then some formula to exchange days so that there is some exchange of days around the parent’s travel schedule.
Scenario Five: Working Overnights or Other Conflicting Work Schedules
Especially if your children are school-aged, it may be difficult to share joint physical custody if your work schedule includes working overnights most days of the week. If your off hours are when the children are at school and your work hours are when the children need your care, then practically you may not be able to fulfill a joint physical custody schedule. While a schedule of splitting each day with the other parent is common when a couple is together and one parent works overnights, it rarely works long term when the parents are no longer together.
The reality is that one parent doing days and the other parent doing overnights rarely works long term when the couple is not together, even if it worked out fine when everyone was in the home together. Further, the Courts in Nebraska generally count the overnights when deciding how many “days” each parent has with the children. Thus, even if you see your children every day, the other parent can be considered the primary custody parent if the overnights are spent with the other parent. Sometimes you can arrange your work schedule so that you spend your days off with the children and the children are with the other parent on your work days. Other times, it is just not realistic to have joint physical custody when a parent’s work schedule is such that they aren’t available when the children are out of school.
Scenario Six: On Call
Some types of employment call for a parent to be “on call.” If your on call is predictable, you may be able to draft your parenting plan so that your on call days are days when the children are scheduled to be with the other parent. Some types of employment require a parent to be “on call” at almost any time. If the other parent is willing to work with you, your parenting plan may include provisions as to how to give notice and do exchanges with the other parent when you are called in for work. Other times, especially if the period of time when you are called in is relatively short, you can have it arranged for a grandparent or other family member to take over your parenting responsibilities while you are called in. So long as you are not shifting the burden to the other parent to cover your on call without their agreement, you can generally work around an on call schedule with a plan and prior notice to all involved.
While there are other work-related issues that can cause co-parenting headaches, the above are some of the most common.
Commons Custody Solutions for Working Parents
Below are some options and tips to help resolve some of the more common parenting plan issues for working parents.
1. Phone time and checking in
With Facetime, calls, and texts, you can feel very connected with your children even if you don’t see them every day. Use technology to your advantage and you can maintain a strong relationship with your children no matter your custody arrangement.
2. Be realistic about the demands of your employment
If you work schedule isn’t consistent, you could create a log as to what hours and times you are actually working. Sometimes parents don’t realize how much time they are actually unavailable until they try keeping track of their specific hours. Once you know your true availability, you can create a parenting plan that truly meets your schedule.
3. Talk to your employer
Maybe it is possible to set your schedule so that you have extended availability on the days you don’t have the children but that your employer is aware that the days and times that you have your children that you can’t be available? For example, maybe you are able to set that you are “in a meeting” for the times that you will need to leave to pick up your children on your days.
4. Change employment
Maybe this means switching to a different shift or different department within the same company. Maybe it means finding new employment that has more flexibility to work around your schedule with the children.
5. Focus on quality, not just quantity
Your children should feel that they are your priority. Set a realistic schedule for the time with your children and keep your commitment to that schedule. You don’t have to be with your children 24 hours per day to have a strong relationship with them. However, making sure that you are there when and where you say you will be can make all the differences in whether your children feel you are there for them or not. Your children can feel just as close and as loved with you as they can with a parent that they spend more time with. If you are reliable and spend quality time when you do have time, then it won’t matter that the other parent has more hours in a week with them.
Finding the Balance
A well-thought through parenting plan can help you maintain success with your career and a strong bond with your children. It is often a matter of finding the balance as to when you can commit to your children and when you realistically have to commit your time to your work. Keeping the above tips in mind can help you reach a parenting plan that finds that balance.
Time for a Change
On the other hand, if your current parenting plan is not working, it may be time for a change. A parenting plan that contains unrealistic expectations or terms that no one is following doesn’t help either the parents or children involved. It may be time to talk with an attorney about what you need to do to make a change. If the other parent will work with you, you may be successful at making some helpful tweaks through the attorney or through mediation. The case doesn’t have to go to trial just because there are some disagreements.
Getting Help
Parents should consult with a legal practitioner who is experienced in family law to find better ways to divide responsibilities and time between both sides. Even if parents agree on basic terms, consulting with an attorney can guide the process and help you avoid common pitfalls.
Law Office of Julie Fowler, PC, LLO | Divorce Lawyers Omaha
Child Custody | Child Support | Divorce Lawyers Omaha
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