We’ve all attended a wedding at some point in our adult lives. It’s common for the happy couple to send out a gift registry to their friends and family asking for specific gifts. The registry allows those in attendance to support and celebrate the happy couple by purchasing them the items they want and need. It helps prevent duplicates and ensures the couple is in want of the gift given. Unfortunately, not all of those weddings end happily ever after.
The Rise of Divorce Gift Registries – Helping Out a Friend in Need
At a wedding, the couple enters into a new chapter in their lives. However, when a marriage ends, it is also the beginning of a new chapter for each person involved. Like a funeral, many often mourn the end of their marriage, even if it was their decision that divorce was their best option. Friends and family usually want to support the person going through the divorce, but they sometimes don’t know how.
When a person dies, some wish for a funeral that is somber and introspective. Others want a party and a celebration of life. A divorce can be the same. You may feel sadness for the end of one chapter and yet want to celebrate the good times that were and the hope for the start of a new chapter.
This has led to the trend of Fresh Start Parties and gift registries to support the divorcee.
You’ve Heard of a Baby or Wedding Registry, But Have You Heard of a Divorce Gift Registry?
It is common for friends and family to help out new parents with the things they may need for the new baby. From a crib to diapers, the new parents may be showered with gifts that the new baby will need. For newlyweds, the gifts may include housewares or small appliances, such as the classic gift of the toaster or crock pot.
Although a divorce is not something that everyone celebrates, it is another time that your friend or family member is starting a new chapter and may need extra support from their loved ones. It is a way to show support and help out during a time that may be one of the most difficult transitions in a person’s life.
Sometimes called a Fresh Start Registry, many people find the divorce gift registry more helpful than their Wedding or Baby Gift Registry was. It is a way to show a little love and support when your friend may need it most!
What Are Divorce Gift Registries?
Similar to some newlyweds, you may have a need for a lot of the basics when your marriage ends. Often, the parties split the furniture and household items when they divorce. The divorcee may have the need for basic home goods, like towels, kitchen utensils, and bedding. If you are divorcing, you might very much appreciate receiving that toaster or crock pot if your spouse got yours in the divorce! The registry may also give your friends and family ideas of your needs if they have gently used items that they can gift to you. This could include things like gifting gently used furniture to help furnish a new home.
Creating a divorce registry or fresh start registry is a great way to build a list of the essentials the divorcee needs. It is a way for those who care about you to provide some support during this difficult time.
Like a wedding registry or baby registry, a divorce registry can include the items that you need most. Similar to other sites for wedding or baby showers, there are now services catering to divorce or fresh start registries. That being said, you can also set up a registry at a company that your loved ones are likely already familiar with, such as Target or Amazon. Amazon allows you to do so under “Celebrating Any Occasion” and Target calls theirs simply a “Wish List.” You may have a specific date for a divorce support party, or you may have a registry without any get-together set.
If a friend asks how they can help, the divorcee shares the registry info which shows what things they need most. Friends or family members can choose how they want to assist the divorcee in starting their new life. These registries are geared at supporting the person going through the divorce, and their children as well!
It’s a non-confrontational way for the divorcee to ask their circle for help. It is a way for friends and family to provide support at their level of comfort of giving. The goal is to support the person getting divorced and with their transition into this new chapter in their life.
Resources For Divorce Registries
There are already many resources available on the topic:
- Sisters Olivia Dreizen Howell and Jenny Dreizen founded Fresh Starts Registry. It has been named “the first divorce registry of its kind” by Forbes.
- Founder Eliza Cussen of Divorcist, the gift registry for the newly single, states her mission is to make divorce and separation a dignified stage of life.
- Other Registry Services – don’t forget you don’t need a specialized website to create a divorce gift registry. Just about any place that offers a wedding or baby shower registry can be used to prepare and share your divorce registry.
How to Create a Divorce Registry
The divorcee creates an account at the store or on the site to open their registry and populate it with gift ideas. It often takes only a few minutes to open the account, and building the registry can be a fun part of preparing for this new chapter.
For the registry, think of things you might need if you were splitting many of your basic household items. Some common items you might find on a divorce registry include the following:
- Blender
- Microwave
- Bowls
- Cookware
- Toaster or crock pot
- Cooking tools
- Cooking basics – salt and pepper shaker, basic spices
- Cutting board
- Flatware
- Knives
- Can Opener
- Plates and Glasses
- Garden Tools – Rake, Shovel
- Lawn Mower
- Furniture (new or gently used)
- Bath and Hand towels
- Hamper
- Bath/shower mat
- Shower Curtain
- New Linens
- Printer/Ink
Unlike a wedding or baby registry, where some funny gifts or keepsakes may be requested, you may want to avoid asking for joke gifts or collectibles with no practical utility.
The divorcee’s friends and family can visit the link to the registry to see what is needed and choose how they want to help.
Keep in mind just posting what basic items you need may also help those around you have a better understanding how, in some ways, you really are having to start again. Sometimes this helps them also understand the emotions that go with it.
A Divorce Support Party – An Event to Support a Fresh Start
People are social beings. We need the love and support of our friends and family in difficult times. As we gather together for other important life events, you may choose to have a divorce support party.
For some people, this will be a celebration. A person may want to celebrate their newfound freedom and being single again. They may want to focus on the goods times they had in their marriage even if they have now grown apart. For others, this will be a more reflective event.
Like some people hold a “funeral” while others hold a “celebration of life,” your divorce support or fresh start party may take on the mood and characteristics that you and your friends and family feel fits the occasion. No matter how you choose to approach it, this event should be about supporting the divorcee. Like a funeral, those in attendance should take cues from their host if this is a party or a more reserved event and be respectful either way.
Choose a guest list that makes sense to you. Some divorcees might want to celebrate, while others might find it a more reflective experience. Invite those who you are confident will come ready to support you. If you think someone disapproves of the divorce or the occasion, leave them off the guest list.
During a divorce, money is often tight. Unlike a baby or wedding shower, the etiquette generally allows for you to ask guests to potluck or otherwise bring an item to eat or drink. While divorcing, you may not have access to your normal cooking tools and ordering out or catering may be an expense you can’t afford at this time. Do what makes sense and supports you! A little cake can almost always make you feel better.
Whatever your approach, remember that your friends and family are there to support you. Don’t be afraid to get creative to reach out to your circle for support.
Law Office of Julie Fowler, PC, LLO | Divorce Lawyers Omaha
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