With 45 U.S. states and the District of Columbia (Washington, D.C.) reporting on divorce statistics, there were a total of 689,308 divorces in 2021, according to the CDC. (See FastStats on Marriage and Divorce) What are some of the main causes of divorce? Why do so many couples decide to call it quits each year? There are plenty of reasons why marriages fall apart, with some of the most common being infidelity, conflict, breakdown in communication, lack of intimacy and romance, and irreconcilable differences.
Main Causes of Divorce
Let’s unpack some of the most common reasons why couples decide to file for divorce rather than reconcile their relationship.
Conflict & Argument
How couples handle conflict in their marriage is a major indicator of whether they’ll make it in their relationship or end up in divorce court. Bitter arguments and constant friction between partners make partners lash out over even little things, and that’s not an indicator of a healthy marriage.
If your home life is more stressful than work, you may have issues in your relationship that need resolving and you may benefit from professional assistance. Your spouse should be your partner, not your adversary. If spouses don’t support each other when they are down, it is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. It can lead to resentment and to a spiral of negative emotions that make even minor problems a major fight.
Infidelity
Marriage is all about trust. If one partner cheats on the other, they break that vow of trust. For some, it is impossible to repair the damage to the relationship caused by this transgression, especially if the outside relationship brings an outside disease to the non-cheating spouse. Some couples consider infidelity an unforgivable offense, and sometimes you can’t blame them. It’s common for the partner being cheated on to wonder if they can ever trust their spouse again.
Infidelity can lead to the feeling of betrayal and resentment of their partner, leading to separation and divorce. Some marriages end up in therapy to handle the issues and emotions caused by extramarital affairs. Many of these marriages end up as cases in divorce court. However, some do make it back to being successful relationships.
Lack of Intimacy & Emotional Involvement
According to an article in Psychology Today, at least one in every four marriages is sexless. When individuals don’t agree on the level of physical intimacy, it leads to feelings of inadequacy and resentment. For some, lack of intimacy with their partner also makes them suspicious of infidelity. Sexless marriage or lack of emotional involvement between partners may cause them to grow apart. They lose the sense of love and partnership with their spouse and drift apart.
Breakdown of Communication
No marriage is perfect and all couples argue sometimes. However, a successful marriage can remain strong despite the disputes and one major way is through effective communication between the spouses. When communication breaks down entirely, the pair may become estranged and start to find that it is easier just to minimize communication with their spouse entirely. If they stop taking an interest in each other’s daily lives, they may wake up one morning and realize they no longer know their partner, or they don’t even like them anymore.
Poor communication itself can also create additional conflict between partners, resulting in additional conflict and misunderstandings. Good communication in marriages relies on both verbal and physical cues and communication. An uncommunicative and unhappy couple may turn a minor dispute into a shouting match, which kills intimacy, respect, and love in the relationship.
Domestic Violence
Domestic violence and abuse is another leading cause of divorce in the United States. Abuse can be physical, emotional, sexual, or economic. It can be serious and life-threatening. It can also be the result of an unhealthy relationship that had time to fester. Bad behavior becomes the norm. Suddenly a person is behaving in a way that they never thought they would have acted towards another human being. The abuse can come from either side of the marriage. It can be an isolated incident or can be a pattern of abusive behavior, either toward their spouse or their children.
Sometimes the relationship has become too toxic and the only way out of the relationship is to file for divorce and end it. Sometimes it is necessary to have law enforcement involved or a protection order in place, especially if the abuse is physical.
Addiction
Unfortunately, addiction is a common cause of divorce. Addiction to things like alcohol, drugs, gambling, or sex can ruin a relationship and the family. The spouse with the addiction may try to hide their behavior. They may secretly use up the family savings, run up debt, and lie to try to cover up their addiction. There may be a loss of trust and the family may be brought to financial ruin.
Many people with addiction issues hide their activities because they know their behavior is wrong and that their spouse will be angry with them. When the truth comes out, it may be too late to save the marriage. Whether the marriage survives often depends in part on the person’s ability and willingness to take responsibility and seek treatment.
Reflecting on the Main Causes of Divorce
Divorce, a complex and life-altering event, is often the result of a combination of factors that accumulate over time. From communication breakdowns and financial strains to differences in core values and unmet expectations, the causes of divorce are multifaceted and deeply personal. This blog explores some of the intricate web of reasons that can lead couples down the path of separation. By understanding these underlying causes, individuals can gain insight into their own relationships and potentially take proactive steps to strengthen their connections, fostering healthier, more resilient partnerships.
Additional reading: Marriage and Divorce Data (CDC)
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