You never thought you would be one of “those people.” You were much more careful than them. You worked hard to find a mate who had all of the things you thought were important. You took marriage seriously. You dated for a long time. You were in love. You agreed on everything that mattered … or at least you thought you did. Now, you’re not so sure. Before you get blindsided by your spouse walking away, it’s time to discover the signs your marriage is over.
Some Signs Your Marriage is Over
The truth is: deciding whether to divorce is huge. Making that decision can tie you up in knots for months, if not years. What is important is that you recognize where you are at. Denial is not your friend.
So, where are you at when you’re not happily married, but you’re not ready to get a divorce either? Well, in a word, you’re miserable! But how do you know if your misery is “temporary” or whether you’ve crossed the line and will soon be facing divorce?
Here are some sure-fire signs that your marriage is over (or in serious trouble!).
You have lost all respect for your spouse.
Once you lose respect for your spouse (for whatever reason), every other aspect of your relationship becomes harder. You start feeling your spouse is “less than” what he or she was. You start holding your spouse in contempt. Renowned marriage specialist John Gottman calls contempt one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse in marriage. Left unchecked, your contempt will kill your relationship.
Your spouse no longer respects you.
Just as your contempt can destroy your marriage, so too can your spouse’s contempt for you do the same. If you feel like your spouse is constantly judging and criticizing you, and that nothing you do is ever good enough, chances are you’re feeling your spouse’s contempt. If you want to save your marriage, you and your spouse need to address what’s happening and take steps to re-establish the mutual respect in your marriage as soon as possible.
There is infidelity without remorse.
Cheating can be overcome. YES IT CAN. But it takes work and apologies and love and compassion. If the cheater isn’t sorry, the marriage isn’t worth saving. Accept it and move on.
You’re living like a single person, not a married person.
The single life can be great with few responsibilities to others other than making sure your bills get paid on time. However, if you’re married and are still acting like you’re not in a committed relationship, that’s a major red flag.
Everything is a fight … or nothing is.
When you and your spouse start to fight all the time about everything, your marriage is in serious trouble. No one wants to live in a constant state of agitation. What may be less obvious, though, is that NOT fighting can be just as deadly to your marriage as constantly quarreling.
If you and your spouse never disagree about anything, chances are you’re not being honest with each other. That lack of honesty will eventually eat away at the insides of your marriage. When that happens your marriage – which may have looked perfect on the outside – implodes from the inside.
Another sign of divorce can be the WAY that you fight.
If you and your spouse are able to respect each other even when you disagree about something and even when you’re fighting, your disagreement can be healthy. But when you start making your disagreements personal, your fights become damaging. Those personal fights are what hurts your marriage.
Your spouse is physically abusive.
- Physically – Physical violence is never okay. Ever. If your spouse is physically abusing you or your children, you need to leave. You need to get to a safe space. After you do that, you need seriously professional counseling to see if you can ever be safe in the relationship. If not, you need a divorce. Period.
- Emotionally – Emotional abuse may not be as obvious as physical abuse. But it can be just as damaging. If your spouse is always yelling at you, belittling you, and making you feel like dirt, that’s a BIG sign that your marriage is in trouble. You need to either get into some serious marriage counseling or start thinking about divorce.
- Financially – The most overlooked kind of abuse is financial abuse. Financial abuse can be direct, i.e. your spouse controls all the money and won’t give you any. Or financial abuse can be indirect, i.e. your spouse gambles away everything you have. Both can be devastating to your relationship.
If your spouse is abusive and refuses to change, that’s a definite sign that you may need a divorce.
Your physical contact has become virtually nonexistent.
You don’t have sex any more. You don’t kiss and cuddle anymore. Actually, you barely even touch each other at all! None of that is a good sign. Healthy couples get plenty of physical contact. If you and your spouse haven’t touched each other in years, that’s bound to negatively affect both your self-esteem and your marriage.
One of you isn’t willing to work on the marriage.
As the saying goes, it takes two to Tango. If you want to work on your marriage but your spouse doesn’t, you’re not likely to improve anything. Of course, it’s also true that if you work on yourself, that will change your marriage. For example, if you’ve always had a problem with your temper, and you go to anger management classes and learn to control it, you may have more peaceful interactions with your spouse.
But if your spouse doesn’t care, it doesn’t really matter. There is such a thing as the “point of no return” in a marriage. If your spouse has crossed that point, your marriage is over. Nothing you can do will change that. Sadly, if your spouse isn’t willing to work on your marriage, that’s a big sign that they’re done with it.
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If you are faced with a divorce, child custody, child support action or any other family law cases in Omaha, contact Fowler & Kelly Law, LLP, the best Divorce Attorney in Omaha, Nebraska